Hindi Alam

One of the hardest things I learned growing up is that doubt doesn’t go away and you never actually feel like an adult as you get older. Sure, some things get easier with time, but others don’t. And the people who raised us are just as flawed and doubtful as we are.

There were so many times in my life that I thought would be turning points, but ended up being nothing. I remember the first one was in elementary school. The fourth and fifth graders just seemed so much bigger and older than the lower grades. I thought when I got to fourth grade, I’d feel different—older, maybe. But then I got there and didn’t feel any different. Then I thought I’d feel something entering my teen years, and then turning 21, then 25…but it all felt the same. Just another year, still being me. After some time, I realized something crazier—everyone feels this way. Even my mom.

We were all raised with the same clumsiness of an imperfect person trying to figure out how to do things right. (Most of) our parents try to raise us to be better and more prepared, but how can they prepare us for a future that even they’re even unsure of? They can’t. So now we’re all out here stumbling through life, thinking that our parents have unlocked the code to being an adult and waiting for the day when we figure it out too.

I think it’s time to admit that not a single one of us has any idea what the fuck we’re doing.

The people we think are ahead of us in life are still struggling in other areas of their lives and walking just as blindly as we are into the future. Everyone’s a failure until the one day something sticks and they aren’t anymore. And, just to let you guys know, this is a reminder to myself just as much as it is to you. Don’t compare the traumas and struggles of other to your own. There are always going to be less deserving people ahead of you and more deserving people behind you and none of that is in your control. Also, your perception doesn’t always tell the truth. So keep your eyes on your own paper and don’t stop trying. Failure is the greatest teacher in life and those with the biggest successes have probably also seen the most failures. The only way to really fail at life is to stop trying all together. And don’t forget to take breaks when you need them because resting is just as important as working.

I hope all of you out there at a low point in your life start to see results to your efforts soon. And I hope those of you doing good continue to do so. If you’re reading this, you matter to me.